Have you ever felt something so strongly you just wanted the whole world to know? What if you felt it but don’t know how to tell the one person you need to tell? or what if you knew how to tell that one person but you aren’t in a place to say anything? Would it matter if you said anything? Is it better to keep it to yourself?
I went out last night with my best friend. I knew it was going to be a late night so a small sliver of hope had me thinking instead of driving 30 minutes home he would just stay at my place with me. I didn’t want to ask because I knew if he said no I wouldn’t be able to hide my reaction. Knowing me id cry on the spot or something silly. Instead I just waited to see if he would say anything. And maybe that’s where I went wrong? We pulled up in the driveway and he said “ill get out and give you a hug” And I instantly got sad. I didn’t think it was noticeable but he noticed. He just hugged me and held me. And I wanted to melt. It felt so good to be back in his arms. He kept asking what was wrong and I just kept saying I was fine. I got inside and instantly started crying.
Why didn’t he want to stay? Was it just me that wanted that? How come I couldn’t just ask? Did he want to but didn’t know how to ask either? Why was I so upset over it?
I told him I lied and I was sad. But now he thinks its because of the hug. I want to tell him why but I can already hear him say “I don’t want to complicate things” “or I’m just not there yet” and then its going to be awkward and ill feel dumb.
Or its going to go the opposite. Maybe it will go in my favor?